Blush Page 8

  CHAPTER NINE

  Adele stumbled into her house in a daze, clutching the black and white picture in her hands. She hadn’t been able to pry her fingers off it since the sonographer handed it to her.

  She headed for the kitchen, needing a vodka but settling for an orange juice. She poured one-handed, staring at the pic in the other.

  Her baby. A grainy black and white jellybean. Well, bigger than a jellybean. With its large head and tiny body, it looked a little like an alien.

  She laughed out loud with sheer joy, clutching the picture to her chest. Hearing her baby’s heartbeat for the first time had been momentous, a precious snapshot in time she’d never forget.

  While she’d been lying on the plinth with her belly smothered in gel, guilt had smothered her happiness for a fleeting second. Reid should’ve had the opportunity to be there. Before she’d mentally recited a big, fat, resounding no.

  She knew she’d made the right decision in not telling him, despite experiencing a thousand doubts a day, because it wasn’t right to ruin his life. He didn’t ask for this baby. And while she hadn’t either, it wouldn’t impact her life like it would his.

  She’d gain a gorgeous little bub to raise.

  He’d lose everything.

  It didn’t stop her from daydreaming as the sonographer fiddled with the machinery. Imagining Reid by her side, holding her hand, sharing in the magical moment of seeing their baby for the first time.

  But her fanciful imaginings faded once her baby’s image shimmered into view on the screen. She’d sent a silent prayer heavenward as the sonographer checked the baby’s health. She may not have planned this baby but now she had a life growing inside of her, she’d do whatever it took to protect him or her.

  She kissed the picture and pinned it to the fridge with a magnet, unable to tear her eyes off it as she sipped her orange juice.

  The longer she stared at the picture, the more choked up she got. Her emotions had been all over the place lately. Those darn pregnancy hormones. She felt like laughing one minute, bawling the next. But that wasn’t the worst part.

  She was incredibly horny.

  She’d heard the rumors about pregnant women and their raging libidos and assumed it was a myth perpetuated by women with swollen ankles and big tummies desperate to make themselves feel good.

  How wrong she’d been. When she wasn’t envisaging a cradle and cute clothes and a mountain of fluffy toys, she was thinking about sex.

  Good sex. Sex with Reid.

  Not helping.

  With a groan, she flung her forearm over her eyes. It didn’t seem right looking at her baby while thinking about sex with its daddy.

  A pounding on the door eradicated the beginnings of a familiar fantasy, the one where she and Reid were back on that beach on Prince Island, and about to…

  Fanning her face, she strode to the door. When she opened it, her fantasy come to life confronted her.

  “I had to see you,” Reid said, wild-eyed and ruffled and delectably gorgeous. “I can’t stay away.”

  “You have to…” Adele said, her protest dying on her lips as he barged his way in, slammed the door shut with a backward kick and hoisted her into his arms.

  “The only thing I have to do right now is this.” His lips crushed hers in a demanding, commanding, soul-destroying kiss that snatched her breath and fogged her brain.

  She couldn’t breathe, couldn’t think, while he was kissing her like this.

  And he didn’t let up. Carrying her all the way to her bedroom, deepening each kiss to sublimely erotic. Long, hot, moist kisses that had her forgetting every sane reason why they couldn’t do this.

  “Protection?” was the only thing he said when he came up for air, almost tearing her clothes off in his haste to get her naked.

  “Too late for that,” she mumbled, blurting the unthinkable as he disrobed.

  “Yeah, I guess we got that sorted the first time,” he said, stepping out of his boxers and flinging them away. “Now, where were we?”

  Relieved he’d misinterpreted her monumental blunder, she stepped into his arms again.

  This was madness. She’d blame the hormones. And castigate herself later. Much later.

  His lips made her forget everything but being naked and writhing and wanting to be beneath him. Or on top. Or on the side. Right now, she would take him whichever way she could get him.

  His lips trailed every sensitive inch of her body, making her reach for him and claw at him and have him.

  His lips glided over hers as he slid into her, filling her, satisfying her, making her moan filthy demands of what she’d like him to do to her.

  And he did. Every which way.

  Him on top. Him on the bottom. Him sideways, front and back. Doggie. Standing. Sitting. Adele lost all perspective of time and place. All she knew was Reid. Only Reid.

  When she ended up splayed on her back, with Reid pinning her wrists overhead while he thrust into her, his heated stare never leaving hers, Adele knew this was no tender lovemaking.

  This was a powerful guy claiming her as his.

  But she couldn’t be.

  Not now.

  Not ever.

  “Stay with me, babe,” Reid murmured, intuitive to her hesitation and picking up the tempo as the tension in her muscles built.

  She knew he was talking about staying in the moment, but for a forbidden second she imagined staying with him, forever.

  Reid slowed for a moment and she almost cried out at the injustice, urging her hips upward, demanding he satisfy her now.

  His lips curved into a grin that was part wicked, part smug, wholly sinful. A second before he changed the angle slightly and started driving into her so hard her climax slammed her with the force of an out of control hurricane.

  She saw stars as she screamed, wave after wave of pleasure wracking her body in the most intense orgasm of her life as he yelled her name.

  She would blame the hormones again, because she couldn’t bear the thought that she’d finally met a man who connected with her on so many levels and she couldn’t have him.

  He brushed a soft kiss on her lips as he withdrew from her, leaving her bereft and overwhelmed. She shivered, desperately trying to damp down the tsunami of emotion welling up inside.

  She should never have given in to her baser instincts and had sex with him. Because the way Reid was staring at her now—with tenderness and awe?—had the power to undermine every sane reason why they couldn’t be together.

  “I missed you,” he said, tracing her lips with a fingertip. “I can’t stop thinking about you.” He cupped her cheeks and stared deep into her eyes. “We have to make this work.”

  Adele wanted to push away his hands and slide out of bed and deliver a resounding no.

  Instead, all the emotion she’d been struggling to control bubbled to the surface and erupted in the worst possible way.

  She burst into tears.

  Just freaking great. First in front of Jess, now Reid. For a girl who’d shunned useless tears growing up in a nightmare childhood, she was sure making up for lost time now thanks to her hormones careening out of control.

  “Hey, what’s wrong?” He sat up and dragged her into his arms, cradling her as great, undignified sobs made her shake. “Whatever’s wrong, I’ll fix it.”

  He smoothed her hair, stroked her back, long comforting caresses that did little to quell the sorrow making her chest ache.

  Reid couldn’t fix this.

  But she could.

  She insinuated her palms between their bodies and pushed against his chest. “You have to go.”

  Shock widened his eyes as she tugged a sheet over her nakedness, belatedly aware he may notice her slightly larger breasts now the passion haze had worn off.

  He held up a hand to stop her. “No. I’m not leaving this time. Not without a fight.”

  “I don’t want to fight you,” she said, edging toward the foot of the bed so she could make a beeline for the
bathroom without having to touch him again. “There’s nothing you can say that will make me change my mind about us.”

  She scooted off the bed and clutched the sheet tighter. “Please just go.”

  “No.” He stood and stalked toward her, and her heart gave a betraying bump at his determination. Beautifully naked and gloriously uninhibited, he didn’t care about anything but reaching her.

  She had to end this now.

  “I’m going to the bathroom.” She skirted around him. “When I come out, I want you gone.”

  For the first time since he’d arrived, doubt clouded his eyes. “I don’t get this.” He swiped a hand over his eyes but it did little to erase the hurt. “We’ve got so much to talk about. Let me explain—”

  “It’s too late for explanations,” she said, unwelcome tears stinging her eyes again. “Just leave.”

  His hand shot out to grip her arm as she passed him, and she dodged, stumbled, her arms immediately wrapping her belly in an instinctive reaction.

  But it was Reid’s reaction that was more cause for concern than her almost-fall.

  He stepped back as if she’d slapped him, staring at her stomach, a frown creasing his brow.

  Oh no. No, no, no.

  Assuming her best nonchalant expression, she quickly lowered her arms. Not quick enough if his deepening frown was any indication.

  He pinned her with an astute glare. “What did you mean earlier, when you said it was too late for protection?”

  Fuck.

  Adele had to deliver the best acting performance of her life. She tilted her chin up, faking defiance. “Just what I said. We’ve already established we’re both clean, we’ve had unprotected sex, what’s the point of using a condom now?”

  His harsh bark of laughter was far removed from amusement. “For someone who doesn’t want me around, you sure have a lot of faith in me. Maybe I’ve slept with ten different women since I’ve been with you?”

  “Maybe you have,” she said, with a deliberate shrug, ignoring the sting of jealousy at the thought. “Guess that makes me stupid.”

  He closed the distance between them so fast she was trapped between a dresser and the wall. “No, stupidity would be you believing you could keep the truth from me.”

  He towered over her, glowering and ominous. “Want to know what I think?”

  “No—”

  “That was a rhetorical question.” He grabbed her upper arms so she had nowhere to go and nowhere to look but at his broad chest. “I think you’re pregnant. Protecting your stomach when you’re about to fall? Too late to use a condom?”

  Adele’s heart leaped into her throat and she couldn’t have answered if she’d wanted to, so she continued to stare at his chest in silence.

  “Were you even going to tell me?” He shouted, before letting rip a string of invective curses.

  When he eventually fell silent, she managed the barest shake of her head, and he released her.

  “I don’t frigging believe this,” he said, the pain slicing her in two echoing in his voice. “We’re having a baby and you don’t tell me?”

  He pulled on his pants and sank onto the bed, braced his elbows on his knees and rested his head in his hands. “Fuck, Adele, I thought we had something good.”

  “We did,” she said, resting her back against the wall before her shaky legs gave out. “But if you couldn’t let your voters know about where your girlfriend worked for fear of fallout, how the hell did you envisage a baby fitting into the scenario?”

  His head snapped up at the accusation in her tone. “I was wrong about all that.”

  “Were you?” A tiny spark of anger flared deep inside, where she’d deliberately shut away her needs in favor of his. “Because I get it. You’re a politician. It’s your life. And nothing or no-one can threaten that.”

  She straightened and pushed off the wall. “It’s why you wanted to keep me a secret. A baby would’ve only made things a thousand times worse.”

  He had the grace to acknowledge the truth with a slight nod. “But this is our child. I had a right to know. A right to make my own decisions.”

  She jabbed a finger in his direction. “There are no decisions to make. I’m having this baby. Nothing needs to change. You go back to your life in the spotlight, I won’t tell anyone the paternity of my baby.”

  “Our baby,” he said, steel underlying his ominous tone as he stood. “And I’m not going back.”

  She paled as the implications of what he’d said sunk in. “You can’t possibly mean—”

  “I’m leaving politics.” He held his hands out to her, palms up, like he had no tricks up his sleeve. “We can be a family.”

  Shock made Adele’s legs wobble again and this time, she stumbled toward the bed and sat on the edge before she fell down.

  Reid’s declaration was her worst nightmare.

  She didn’t want him giving up his career for the baby.

  She didn’t want him being with her out of obligation.

  She didn’t want to be a family with him because that kind of intimacy involved divulging the truth of her past, and that would ultimately drive him away.

  “No, we can’t be a family.” Her fingers dug into her thighs, the slight bite of pain from her fingernails on her skin anchoring her. “Because I don’t want you in my life.”

  His harsh intake of breath broke the silence. “Why don’t you try looking at me when you lie?”

  Adele couldn’t look at him, not without breaking down again. But she had to. For the sake of the baby. For all their sakes.

  Schooling her expression into a cool mask, the same way she’d done countless times in the past with her despicable clients, she finally raised her head to look at him.

  “Don’t you get it?” She gestured between the two of them. “All you and I have ever been is sex. Granted, great sex, but that’s it.”

  She pressed a hand to her heart. Yeah, like that would stop it shattering. “I don’t feel anything in here. At least, not the kind of emotion we’d need to be a family.”

  Devastation darkened Reid’s eyes to midnight. But she had to continue, to drive him away once and for all.

  “And as much as you’d like to be a part of this child’s life, it’s not feasible. What happens when he or she wants their daddy to come to the preschool play? Or the first day of school? You can’t have a relationship with your child in secret and not be prepared to declare your bond in public.”

  His fingers curled, his hands clenching into fists. “I told you. I’m leaving politics.”

  “Out of obligation,” she spat, a tiny seed of resentment blossoming. Why couldn’t he have cared enough about her to leave, before knowing about this baby? “That’s a healthy role model for a child.”

  He blanched and she drove the knife in harder. “Kids pick up on that kind of stuff, you know. Festering resentment, regret, muted anger. All emotions you’ll develop over the years if you leave your job behind for the sake of a baby.”

  “It’s not just about the baby.” He reached out to her, before thinking better of it and letting his arms fall to his side. “But I guess there’s no point belaboring the possibility of us having a real relationship if you don’t feel anything.”

  His sarcasm hurt, but not half as much as the way he was staring at her. Like he despised her.

  It took every ounce of willpower she had to stand and face him.

  “You should go now,” she said, her hands inadvertently sliding over her belly again, as if protecting her innocent baby from the animosity radiating between its parents.

  With a mute node, Reid turned his back on her and shrugged into the rest of his clothes.

  She wanted to say so much.

  That she wished things could be different for them.

  That she wished she could eradicate her past so they could have a future.

  That she wished she could tell him the truth.

  That she loved him.

  Had probably fallen a little i
n love with him the first time he’d shown up here uninvited, unafraid to show how vulnerable he was to her.

  But she didn’t say a word. She clamped her lips shut. Against useless truths and the sobs gradually building with the effort of not speaking.

  Reid strode toward the bedroom door without looking at her. Long, angry strides like he couldn’t get away fast enough.

  She willed him to go faster so she could break down in peace. But he paused in the doorway and glanced over his shoulder, his derision sending another slice of pain through her.

  “I’ll be in touch about the baby.”

  Her blood chilled at his frosty tone and she opened her mouth to protest.

  “You’ve made your feelings perfectly clear. Now it’s time for me to do the same.” He stabbed a finger in her direction. “That’s my baby you’re carrying and if I want to be a part of his or her life, I will be. I’ll make sure of it.”

  Ice slithered down her spine at the implied threat: Reid had the power and the money to lay claim to this baby if he wanted and no way could she afford a massive legal fight if he demanded custody.

  But what about his job…his reputation…he couldn’t go public with an illegitimate baby. It would ruin him. Unless he was serious about leaving politics…

  She should be happy he wanted to be a father to their child. But she couldn’t shake the deep down fear that Reid had the potential to hurt this child if he persisted in being a part-time father who valued his job more than his kid. And she’d do everything in her power to prevent that from happening.

  She knew what it was like having a dad to idolize, only to have him walk away without a backward glance. Her mom had dealt with the emotional pain by dousing it in alcohol. Adele had dealt with it by shutting down the part of her that dreamed.

  She’d become a pragmatist, doing whatever it took to survive. She’d closed off emotionally from men.

  Until Reid.

  “Take good care of our baby,” he said, with a pointed glare at her belly, before he walked away.

  Her entire body ached from head to foot as she waited for the slam of the front door before sinking onto the bed, curling up in a protective ball, and letting the tears of anguish flow.